wanted to be lost

So…I’ve lost another friend and my glasses („My glasses, my glasses, I can’t  ( be) see(n) without my glasses”) and the 3rd time is not a charm, it’s  bloody bad luck.

Can’t say I didn’t see it coming or running away from me, if I may say so.  I just feel things drifting away, of course I thought I could feel when a volcano was about to go „bumshakalaka” and that turned wrong in oh so many ways. I won’t take all the blame and hide it under my bed and feed it occasionally with first-borns because that would make me such a boring martir, however I will say this is a sign that I should think. Yes, I do occasionally have to think in order to sort mail and turn the telly on and off and to ask those experimental questions in what concerns my life: am I such a weak friend? why in the name of Kafka’s hairy back do I accept cheese in any food-combo (orthodox or not)?

Oh I am not heart-broken or smth and I know that the other part is  „smoochy” a-ok as well, it’s just that I may have some serious friendship issues, people issues in general. That’s just it with me, if I don’t live on the edge of things I prefer (perhaps and just perhaps it’s not an option sometimes) not to drink from the cup of lively-hood at all, not even with a straw (tiki straw? go on…).

I have to admit, I have no plausible childhood friend (I said plausible not imaginary damn it) just friends I picked up along the way that either stayed or school ended and that was it, homes’. Well I would never… Of course I have to mention the eeny meeny detail that I am not the kind of omnivore that sticks around. I just wave and move on, like an insensitive  axe through the blue cheese of sorrow. I would not say I am the happy loner who gets by with one ticket for all the rides but the thing is…I have always been asking questions filed under „Dă big and Furry meanings” and it started down-under aka in childhood. We all went through that continuous nagging process when we asked our parents „What’s that? What does it do? Why? Why? Still, why?”, I didn’t get pass that and when my father put the banner of independence on me I realised that only I am able to answer all my dilemmas thus never turning to friends or any pumpin’ creature.

I could never fully take advantage of that cosy wrap friendship tucks you in (or even any kind of relationship). That my good sir makes me once more a superficial keep-it-all-to-myself blob, but the thing is I totally own it…so no harm there (not visible).

As this post is more of a note-to self thingie I shall say one more thing with a lot of little things inside it, on it, within it: I may not be a good friend (notice the „may”? that is the slap my ego gives you, say hi) , hell, I may not be a friend at all and I am lucky (I mean luck has spat on me and forgot to clean up his mess)  to have the people that have annoyingly stuck by me and on me against all odds (and the prize goes to…Sarrrcasmmm, yes you back there, come up don’t be shy) and against my not-so-understanding habits (oh how I lead a comfortably comfortable life) however in the future I should pick up friends more carefully  just to prevent things like this kind of post…or maybe a brief moment of sadness and insecurity that passes by like a pair of ginger boots in a nursery.

There should be like a friend-off…and I am going to stop here because I have a limit (it is silky, almost invisible but it is there all right?)

This has been gr8 but i miss tetris-ing (it is an action, it is).

*Good practice for the summer English exam. Coincidence? perhaps, perhaps…

*Oscar Wilde…best poem I ever read-The Sphinx.

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